MAN IS A SOCIAL BEING, BUT AT HIS OWN RISK

 Man is a social being," stated Aristotle in his time, and the truth is that no one can deny it; when we are alone for a long time, our mind stops working properly, getting lost in the glimpses of madness.  That is why prisoners who are left in solitary confinement suffer from mental and physical problems, as well as from suicidal ideation.  But it's also true that our relationships with others often break us. Not only the love relationships that at the beginning make us touch the sky with our hand sometimes end up defeating us, but also the work relationships which, if we are excellent employees, provoke the competition of others.  The same goes for our friendships, especially those of middle age, when we begin to look back to see what we have achieved in life. If by any chance our life seems to be more successful than others, in our most difficult moments there will be verbal aggressions and hidden smiles coming our way.  Such is life; envy and competition transform our social life into a battlefield. I don't think I'm wrong when I say that our friends at middle-age are different from those of our adolescence. With the passage of time everything changes, even the friends we make; and the only response to this change will be, once again, adaptation. Like the Athenian philosopher stated, we will continue having friends,

but these will be a different kind of friends: with them we will not share the innermost part of our being because we know that, should we share it, it runs the risk of becoming fractured.

The happiness we receive from ourselves is greater than the happiness we obtain from our surroundings. Metrodorus (IV BC)

 

This is how this first disciple of Epicurus pronounced himself in the fourth century BC, and with such a dictum dismantled our tendency to possess money and expensive objects to fill our lives. I often think of Metrodorus while I am driving down a street in the city where I live, and I find myself surrounded by cars whose price is so high that it scares me; although what scares me the most is that surely ninety percent of those drivers complain daily about the situation of the country's economy. Even worse, I am horrified by the example we are setting for our children about what really has value in life. While I always liked to live well, luxury seems harmful instead. However, it was only with the passage of time that I realized where the true treasures of human existence are found. With age I was able to understand that the ability to live with a high degree of morality, generosity, compassion, and respect for all living

beings is what really counts. As the Epicurean philosopher said, only those who day by day, month by month, and year after year have understood that happiness does not depend on what we possess, but on what we give to others can feel at peace.

 

La felicidad que recibimos de nosotros mismos es mayor que aquella que nos llega desde afuera. Metrodorus (IV AC)

Así se pronunció este primer discípulo de Epicuro en el siglo cuarto antes de Cristo, echando por tierra con semejante dicho nuestra tendencia a desear dinero y objetos caros para llenarnos la vida. Se me ocurre pensar en Metrodorus cada vez que manejo por alguna calle de la ciudad en la que vivo, y me veo rodeada de automóviles cuyo precio es tan alto que me asusta; aunque lo que más me asusta es que seguramente el noventa por ciento de esos conductores se queja a diario de lo mal que está la economía del país. Peor aun, me horroriza el ejemplo que les estamos dando a nuestros hijos sobre lo que realmente tiene valor en esta vida. Si bien siempre me gustó vivir bien, el lujo en cambio me parece dañino; pero fue con el pasar del tiempo que fui dándome cuenta donde se encuentran los verdaderos tesoros de la existencia humana. Me refiero a la capacidad de vivir con un alto grado de moralidad, generosidad, compasión, y respeto por todos los seres vivientes. Como bien dijo el filósofo epicúreo, en la soledad de sus casas solo pueden sentirse a gusto aquellos que día a día, mes a mes, y año tras año han comprendido que la felicidad no depende de lo que poseemos, sino de lo que damos a los que comparten nuestro espacio.

 

THE LITTLE GREAT MIRACLES OF EVERYDAY LIFE

 Last Sunday, while I was on the beach with my friend Marisa, I told her that I should be more tolerant of others.

"Who are you referring to? she asked me.

-To those who cut my way in traffic, to those who do not greet others when they enter the elevator, to those who destroy water taps in the park, and to the neighbors who ignore you for being from another country. "

    "Excellent purpose," my friend replied. I hope you’ll make it."

I looked at her doubtfully; at no time did I think I could change my attitude.  It happened that in the evening, when I lowered the blind in my bedroom, the remote control stopped because the battery was discharged. Since I don't like sleeping with the blind completely down, the next day, after walking my dog, I went to the hardware store to buy new batteries. I had a hard time finding those batteries because they are not widely used; but I finally ended up in a store that had them.  I decided to buy two so as not to relive the previous day situation, and I asked for the price. When the clerk replied that they were worth six dollars each and I only had ten dollars, I told her that unfortunately I could only buy one. She looked at me with a smile and said:

"Let's see how I can arrange this sum on the computer so that, with ten dollars, you can buy two batteries."

I looked at her smiling and, as I thanked her for her gesture, I understood that someone was sending me the message that not everything around me is unpleasant.  Needless to say, from now on, accepting things as they are is not going to be as difficult as I thought.

 

  

 

A GUIDE TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION (AMAZON, paperback & kindle editions.)

 I was born into a home of responsible parents, although not very skilled at raising children; they belonged to the postwar generation, and they just repeated the same mistakes their parents had made with them. When I became a teenager, I fell in love with a boy who, despite his young age, had already begun to develop the traits of a psychopathic personality. One summer, while we were both vacationing in the same resort, he decided to end our relationship; it was then that I decided to end my life. The abandonment of this boy rekindled my mother's lack of real affection, and the result was that one night, when my parents had gone to the movies, I swallowed eighteen aspirin tablets convinced that they would kill me. However, after swallowing all the pills, I felt very afraid and decided to seek help. Luckily, my aunt had decided to go to bed early and sent for my parents right away. As luck would have it, a well-known psychoanalyst was also staying at the same hotel, and it was he who flushed my stomach and suggested that my parents leave me alone for a while. The next day I went to the beach where I met my usual group of friends; with them I was able to share my sorrow and feel better. Although I did not know it at the time, I had resorted to one of the most effective treatments for depression: find someone who will listen to us and validate our feelings, while at the same time show us that there is always a better way.

LIFE CHALLENGES NEVER END

According to Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher, the only constant in life is change; and very often change creates suffering, especially within families. When I was a kid, I used to play canasta with my grandfather Renato. I took the bus that took me to the Caballito neighborhood and, once there, I got off at the corner of his house. I liked being with him because my grandfather used to tell me about his adventures in the trenches of First World War in which he had participated. However, as expected, when I turned thirteen, I traded the canasta with my grandfather for outings with my schoolmates. I never forgot his reproach one day: “Marina, you don't come to see me anymore”. Today, that I have reached the age when our children leave the family home to start their journey, I feel my grandfather's sadness as if it were my own. What a paradox that despite the fact that we wish for the young people in the family a life full of love and work, that same life far from us fills us with nostalgia and sadness! Moreover, if I'm not mistaken, we mothers are the ones who suffer from it to a greater extent; perhaps it is because the relationship between mothers and their sons and daughters is different from any other; it is a relationship that smells infinity. This is how, by being left without those who were the meaning of our life for many years, we have to face the profound change of starting a new life, the last but the one with the greatest meaning in terms of our role in this world. The time has come for us to be who we are without any help.

 

COINCIDENCES ARE WHAT ALLOW GOD TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS Albert Einstein

  My life was never immune to coincidences, although I did not call them God, but Tutelary Angel. The year was 1973, the year Chilean President Salvador Allende was ousted by a military coup organized by Richard Nixon and Chilean General Augusto Pinochet. But this writing has nothing to do with South American politics but with one of the most significant coincidences that took place in my life. The day was warm because the Buenos Aires winter was already over; a gentle breeze was blowing and the sun was warming the city battered sidewalk tiles. I had gone with my boyfriend to a garage located on Calle Paraguay; he had to pick up his car to go to the Ezeiza airport. Paradoxically, the fact that my boyfriend was going to Europe made me happy because our relationship was at its end, and I was eager to explore new horizons. After leaving the garage I began to walk down Paraguay toward Avenida Alem to return to work. I hadn't even walked ten steps when suddenly a horn began to blare repeatedly behind me. When I turned around, among the endless line of vehicles I saw a red car whose driver was waving at me. The driver was a journalist who worked in the same company where I was a translator; although I had already decided to meet him in some way, I had not yet found the opportunity. But that day, with my boyfriend about to leave the garage behind me, I decided not to miss the opportunity to get into that red car. To make a long story short, suffice it to say that on that day, on busy Paraguay Street, what would become my thirty-year marriage was born. The fact that said cycle has come to an end does not matter; when life cycles close it’s because other cycles will open. Actually, we are not the ones who decide what cycles to close; the Tutelary Angel shows us the way.