WHY SOME CHILDREN BECOME ESTRANGED FROM THEIR PARENTS

“Recent research and media reports indicate that parent–child estrangement is on the rise.” After daily reading numerous articles on the topic of children becoming estranged from their parents, I wondered what the real cause of this conflict between some parents and some children was. I found it hard to understand why certain children would decide to stop communicating with the two people who brought them into this world, gave them a home, and raised them. After all, I also have a son, and such a problem never arose between us; had something like that happened to me, I would have moved heaven and earth to solve it. One of the things that struck me most was that several of the articles on the topic were titled 'Letting Go of Our Children'; in other words, these essays seemed to accept the possibility that, with some children, there is no other option than to let them go. That was when I decided to try to understand the real cause of these sad separations. Finally, one of the programs on this subject I saw on TV gave me the key I was looking for: some parents have a real difficulty understanding that the role they played when their children were young is not there anymore. When our children grow up and have their own lives, our attitude needs to change by becoming humbler and respectful. Unfortunately, the woman talking about this subject on TV had still not managed to control the anger that her adult children's behavior had caused her. I believe she had still not understood two important things: first, our children not only belong to another generation, but they were also born in a different era of the world; second, they no longer need our advice unless they asked for it because their lives are totally different to ours. In other words, when our children start showing signs of being annoyed with the relationship they have with their parents, the only thing left for us to figure out is what was it in our interactions with them that ended up making them feel angry. Here I would like to add that, in our discussions with our children, there’s no need to argue about who’s right or who’s wrong; what is important, I think, is to remember that with all the problems young people face today, the best thing we can do is simply apologize for uncourteous words said, and at the same time promise to be more discreet in our next meeting. Unfortunately, some parents find it very hard to apologize for mistakes they don’t consider mistakes but just different opinions. What they don’t understand is that what matters most is not a mistake made or not made, but the ability to make our children feel comfortable with us by respecting their situation in life.