THE SECRET OF LONELINESS IN THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE

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So again, what is loneliness? Loneliness is focusing on what is absent instead of what is present. What is present is what is really meant for us; that is why it has come our way. What is absent is gone, and is probably sharing its journey with another soul. But how do we start enjoying what is there if we are so used to being with somebody else? Our best ally is time. Every transition in life needs time to evolve because our brain needs to adapt to the new situation; and it will. Already back in 1890, in his book The Principles of Psychology, William James wrote: "Organic matter, especially nervous tissue, seems endowed with a very extraordinary degree of plasticity." Much later it was demonstrated that the brain does not stop changing in childhood, but it continues to create neural pathways in order to adapt to new experiences. Due to its high degree of plasticity, its structure changes throughout life. When we are going through the experience of loss, our reality changes and so does our brain. With loss old habits die, some friends disappear, new problems and concerns start emerging, and of course loneliness will gradually show its ugly head. In the beginning we will feel that we have been thrown into an unknown land where we feel totally lost and alone. Our view of the world, our beliefs and our joys, nothing seems to be adaptable to this new place. So we will need to become resourceful and conquer our apathy in order to start reconstructing a new reality where we will feel at home again.

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