LONELINESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHERS; IT HAS TO DO WITH OURSELVES

 

Everywhere we read that our period in history is mainly characterized by loneliness, especially in old age. Loneliness is a destructive state of mind that takes away our desire to find a solution to everyday problems. Therefore, our life becomes a static and uninteresting journey. But what generates this feeling of fierce isolation? It is generated by our mind only because we lose all desire to look for new friends. In old age the problem is even more risky since it prevents us from understanding that not having friends is not necessary if we are satisfied with the life we have led. What is important is to create where we live a welcoming environment. In my youth I met a man of a certain age who was arrested in Switzerland for being an illegal immigrant. The first thing he did when he arrived at the  prison was to ask for a bucket  of white paint to paint the walls of his prison.  And with the passage of time he even placed a plant in the window.  Let me add that this was a deeply spiritual man for whom the solitude of prison was the opportunity for a welcome retreat. In the same way, our mature years can serve us to analyze our lives, thank the Universe for the good, and try to discover the causes for the not so good. If my friend had shared that space with another prisoner, it would have been impossible for him to complete his spiritual journey. This is why I say that loneliness is created by our mind, not by the lack of companions; If we know how to profit from it, solitude is a refuge full of mysteries.

 

 

BLESSED SOLITUDE

Status is online

Marina Oppenheimer

Licensed psychotherapist

140 articles

April 20, 2023

"I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

 ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Last week I went to lunch with two good friends at Seasons 52 in Coral Gables; I like the place and we meet there often. Our conversation was not as pleasant as usual as one of them was recovering from a cataract operation that did not heal well.  As soon as she arrived, I noticed that her mood was not the usual and it did not take long for her to express herself in a rather aggressive way. However, the conversation was pleasant enough until one of them started talking about politics, and me being the only democrat it did not take long for the bullets to hit me. A couple of hours later, driving back home I remembered above Thoreau’s assertion that so beautifully describes the failures of human relationships. Although when we are young, we often overlook them, in old age we have the feeling that this type of encounters are a waste of time. The vast majority of human beings, young but especially not so young, project their unfinished businesses on others instead of owning them and looking for solutions. When I opened the door of my house I was greeted by a welcoming silence; in that space there was no room for empty words. The sunset brightened the landscape with a subdued but deep color which opened its arms to a precious solitude.

THIS IS HOW DREAMS WORK

  

For some time now I have been concerned about some things happening around us on Miami Beach, specifically on the beach in front of our building. To be honest, these events are not very significant; they have to do with keeping the beach safe and sound from unwelcome intruders. However, every morning when I read the newspaper and learn what is going on around the world -thousands of peoples’ lives destroyed by those avid of power- my concerns start looking very inappropriate. Very soon I realized that, although I have a wonderful life in an idyllic place, I often feel somber. As I started to reflect on the reason of my strong reaction to these insignificant neighborhood matters, I suddenly realized that I have not yet grasped the fact that there are many things in our life that we cannot control; and because of that I was wasting many hours of enjoyment. Until one night I had the following dream: I had in my possession lots of old clothes that I had decided to give away. After putting them in a bag, I went to meet those who were going use them. When I gave the bag to them, I suddenly saw the keys to my house at the bottom of the bag and I thought: “I almost lost my keys.” Yes, the keys to enjoy my amazing life as it is.