EMOTIONALLY DISTANT MARRIAGES ARE NOT BAD AFTER ALL

 Some time ago I met a woman on the beach whose husband had died a couple of months earlier. Since she was originally from the same country where I was born, it was not difficult for both of us to start an intimate conversation about our lives. Because she was still in the bereavement period for the loss of her husband, I let her talk about him and her marriage without interrupting. Besides, being a psychotherapist by profession, the lives of others are my main point of interest. It was then that she told me that she had had a wonderful marriage, and that when her husband came home from work, he always invited her to go out. If that did not happen, they spent several hours having a drink, talking and dining in the superb backyard of their home. In other words, life with this man had been splendid, and she now deeply longed for his presence. Since my psychotherapy orientation is systemic, after she stopped talking, I asked her if she had any children. It took her a while to tell me that she had three children: the eldest had a severe anxiety disorder, the second had died of an overdose, and the youngest was the only one who was living a normal life. Many times in the past, I had reached the conclusion that enmeshed partners are not the best parents on earth; at some point in their lives they stop being a refuge for their children to become a refuge for each other. Unfortunately, their children get lost in the process and many of them face difficult lives. In other words, some emotional distance from our partner is not bad after all; it allows us to concentrate on those who need us most and who are our main responsibility in life.

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4Liliana Spillman, Daniel R Mesch and 2 others

A GUIDE TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION - AMAZON (link below)

 

There is no doubt that the lives of all of us are filled with hardships and losses; and yet, in order to continue living, we must accept and overcome the challenges that life sends our way. Like everyone else, I too lived moments of terrible suffering since my adolescence. At that time in my life I had fallen in love with a boy who, despite his young age, already showed a tendency towards psychopathic traits. Because my parents were emotionally distant, I became extremely dependent of this teenage romance; and when my boyfriend decided to leave me, the only option I contemplated was suicide. It was then that one night, when my parents had gone to the movies, I decided to swallow eighteen aspirins. Luckily, after swallowing the last one, I felt regret and asked my aunt to call my parents. As expected, their reaction was a cataclysm, but not being very sophisticated in psychological matters, they did not even think of making an appointment with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. As time went by and I became an adult, I found myself in a similar situation; it was then that I understood that life keeps repeating itself until we finally understand what are the changes we need to make.

A GUIDE TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION: that will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel: Oppenheimer LMHC, Marina: 9798839995796: Amazon.com: Books

MI CUMPLEAŇOS

Cuando un cumpleaños se repite

su mensaje no siempre es el mismo;

de joven me sabía a independencia,

a caminos no andados, a omnipotencia.

 

Luego tuvo el aroma de jornada acabada,

de deseo que el tiempo había marchitado,

el perfume de momentos no vividos

y de besos en el recuerdo perdidos.

 

Mañana de madrugada se repite ese día

en que la fuerza del destino me trajo al mundo,

pero esta vez su letanía ya la conozco,

porque sabe a proyectos cumplidos,

a tareas terminadas, a una mirada clara

y, más que nada, a serenidad conseguida.