THE SECRET OF LONELINESS IN THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE (Amazon)

This book was designed to help all those who feel isolated and lonely start on the path of joy and contentment. They not only will discover that we are never really alone in the world, but that we are the creators of our own feeling of loneliness.

THE AFTERMATH OF COVID 19 IS NOT ONLY PHYSICAL

 One of its main repercussions is the painful isolation in which older adults live today, and the short time in which they can see their children. The other day, I was watching on YouTube a documentary about life in Japan today. In one of the scenes, several cleaning workers are shown entering an apartment to retrieve the body of an old man who had died in the solitude of his home. When his daughter is interviewed and asked if she was not in touch with her father, she replies crying that she always asked her father to call her, but that he did not comply. It’s not difficult to understand the father's plight; one thing is to meet our children for a meal or coffee, and quite another to call them on the phone when they are busy working. I also feel uncomfortable when I need to call my son during working hours. What's more, if by any chance I decide to call him, I send him a message beforehand to see if he is free to talk. But in a country like Japan, a scene like the one just described is surprising. That an elderly father dies in the solitude of a messy apartment, having a daughter nearby is proof that we are entering a different historical era. The isolation imposed by COVID in a country where parents and grandparents are revered as sublime teachers is deeply troubling. While it is true that modernity and the economy have also made their way and changed our customs, I think that COVID has no small responsibility in the isolation that we are all suffering on a daily basis. One day at a time we are getting used to living stuck in our homes, as we become witnesses of an increasing number of suicides; unfortunately, life in solitude raises questions that are unbearable for some. The brains of Covid-19 patients have been investigated and not only physiological changes have been detected, but also their level of anxiety and depression has been found to be higher than the normal. Dr. Rachel V. F. Rohaidy, a psychiatrist at Baptist Health Primary Care and director of The Recovery Village at Baptist Health, said, "People who have had the virus are especially susceptible to suicidal thoughts." (Baptist Health, South Florida). But without going to the extremes of taking our own lives, the loneliness and isolation imposed on us by this pandemic are especially painful for the elderly who live alone at home and who see their family only occasionally. It is well known that human beings are social beings, and that prolonged loneliness weakens their ability to enjoy life. In other words, in isolation our life loses its meaning. That is why it is of great importance that older adults have access to centers whose activities distract them and allow them to be in the company of other people of the same generation. Luckily, volunteers who teach courses are never lacking and their valuable work results in making the lives of older adults much more attractive. I dare say that if the gentleman of the Japanese documentary had had access to this kind of service, he would still be among us.

RIP

CAN WE BE GOOD PSYCHOTHERAPISTS BEFORE WE REACH 60?

 

Several years ago, I was working at a now-defunct psychiatric hospital as one of the outpatient clinics director, and on one occasion I was asked by a group leader to make a presentation about divorce. After receiving the request, I remember feeling uncomfortable; not only for not being a good speaker, but also the subject of divorce had never interested me. At that time, I was young and the possibility of divorcing had never crossed my mind. To be more exact, the only idea of getting divorced filled me with anxiety and a deep fear of the unknown. Since making presentations was in my job description, I had no option but starting to prepare for it, and then pray that all went well. Because of my dislike of the topic, the task of writing and talking about it was a nightmare; needless to say, the nightmare did not end until the whole event was over. Furthermore, the presentation did not go well because, although I was able to talk about the different theories clearly and professionally, what I was lacking was the empathy that only comes with having gone through the extremely painful journey of breaking up a family. Was it Aristotle who stated that we only learn through experience? One thing is to learn with our brain, and another very different is to learn with our heart. In fact, experience is what now has made me an expert divorce psychotherapist; the book I wrote on divorce can attest to it. The same can be said about all our difficult life events; to really understand them and be able to help others we need to have lived them. That is why whenever I remember that divorce presentation of so long ago, I feel tempted to go back and do it all over again.