DO WE MARRY THE PERSON WE LOVE? ( "The Family Crucible"" - Augustus Y. Napier Ph.D, with Carl Whitaker, MD.)

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Nineteen years after my 30-year marriage broke down, I still wonder why I chose a spouse with whom I have very little in common. While the marriage lasted many years, our time together was not a time of love and companionship; on the contrary, ours were times of coldness and distance. If we lasted 30 years together it was because our common concern was that our only son could grow up with the both of us. One day I read in The Family Crucible a phrase I never forgot: "We do not marry the person we love but the person we need". If this is true, the question for me is then what did I need from the man I married that made me choose him? Since my love for my chosen one lasted very little, it is obvious that these words were telling me something important. If I analyze the personality of my ex-husband, he is a man focused on his work and who always dreamed of bigger horizons. He had a lot of plans, but I guess that the idea of going alone didn't convince him. As for me, when I met him, I had just graduated with a license in Modern Literature from the University of Buenos Aires, but in my personal life disorder was always there. I had already turned 26 and I felt impatient to get married. Meeting someone who not only seemed smart but also had the plan to explore new lands, attracted me unfailingly. However, today it is more than obvious to me that the both of us only staged a magnificent play; him as the companion I was looking for, me as someone who had the stamina to emigrate with someone I barely knew. If we had both been smarter, we would have given a new look at our personal identity and made better choices. After all, no one was rushing us.

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