The other day, I heard from Rafael Santandreu one of the wisest phrases I had ever heard: "Each one of us acts from an unresolved pain." This brings to mind the saying of Swiss psychologist Carl Jung when he states that the deep problems of our life do not have to be solved but overcome through our personal growth. By not overcoming them, these problems will continue controlling our lives. I tried to apply these ideas to my personal life, and I began to realize how much truth they hold. When I use my own life story as an example, one of the situations that disturbed me the most was when someone walked away from me for no reason. On those occasions when I lost a friendship without any possible explanation, I always convinced myself that it was surely my fault. However, I now understand how much more complicated the situation was. If that friend didn't feel comfortable with me because of something I had done, she would have told me openly. By not explaining to me the reason for her estrangement, I have no choice but to think that what bothered her about me had more to do with her than with me. Envy perhaps? In the same way, in always feeling guilty about these estrangements, what I did was to relive my mother's constant criticism of me in my youth. Today I stopped feeling guilty about the behavior of others, and I can do it because I understood that, if my behavior is correct, I am free of guilt and charge. On the other hand, the pain of maternal criticism may never go away; but what has vanished is its power over my life.
