“We are all in therapy all the time insofar as we are involved with soul-making.” Re-Visioning Psychology. James Hillman.

 Some of the most gratifying experiences of my life usually take place when, while reading a book, I realize that the author’s ideas about a subject are very similar to mine. It gives me a sense of security and veracity. This is exactly what happened when I started reading James Hillman’s books. What resonates deeply within me about this author’s philosophy is that to him, psychology is the perfect bridge towards a personal transcendence. Giving birth to this transcendence is what will guide us to find our lives’ meaning; but since we are all different, each one of us will create a different transcendence. As Dr. Hillman tells us, day after day our life should be immersed in the task of soul-making, that is, in creating the path that will give shape to a rewarding life for us. It is not surprising how close this theory is to the Eastern concept of karma; according to how we decide to live, the result will be either a meaningful life or a life that needs to be relived.  However, we often go astray thinking that soul-making is only related to the great decisions of existence: to not lie, to not betray, to not steal, and, of course, to not kill. What many of us forget, or do not give importance to, is that we are deciding our way of life hour after hour every day. For instance, on the street among other human beings, whether on foot or driving, do we give way to the one who needs to cross the street amid traffic, or the one who made a mistake and needs to drive to the left in front of us, or do we take the time needed to help a friend with a problem? And if the phone rings and the caller has made a mistake with the number, do we answer him/her politely or hang up the phone without any regrets? Greeting our work colleagues courteously and responding to messages others send to us is another of the many ways to show respect to our fellow human beings, as it is giving a dollar or two to an old man begging on the street. Hillman's definition of soul-making expressly deals with those small details of everyday life that, without seeming critical decision-making moments, are what puts the bricks of our soul one on top of the other. Before ending, I would like to add something to Dr. Hillman’s thoughts: as time goes by in a life lived the way I just described, we will realize with amazement that our existence has become more simple, more serene, and less dependent on others.

 

¿EXISTE EL PASADO?

 

Algunos dicen que el pasado ya no existe

porque se ha ido hacia tierras olvidadas,

otros, en cambio, ven su pasado a cada paso,

negra oscuridad de las horas desoladas.

Yo creo que el pasado hace nido en la mirada,

en los perfumes que ahora, a veces, nos acarician,

en la melodía misteriosa de nuestras palabras,

y en el silencio que nos deja el alma apesadumbrada.

Fue en el pasado cuando la vida tuvo comienzo,

cuando el amor se hizo presente sin ser llamado,

para luego esfumarse porque otro hito nos esperaba,

y así, hito tras hito, fue naciendo nuestro pasado

THE SECRET OF A STABLE MARRIAGE

 

      As we all know, marriage was created to establish a certain social order, so that children who come into the world are protected and trained for a productive life. Seen from this point of view, there is no doubt that it is a reasonable invention; And yet, uniting two very different beings for life entails a deep emotional balance that not all of us possess. Let us remember that the two members of this system have a totally opposite view of life. While we women need a healthy dose of romance throughout our lives, men are less luxurious in that regard. The same goes for women's aesthetic attachment, and the importance we give to physical appearance in general. But, while these differences can be ironed out, there are others that are more complex and difficult to overcome.  Such as, for example, that, although today women work and contribute to the family economy, in general it is the man who makes the big decisions in the family. It is no wonder that, as the years go by, women begin to feel a quiet 

rebellion. It was the advent of feminism that began to crumble the solidity of patriarchal marriage; then the divorce rate skyrocketed. However, and despite everything, there is a way of living as a couple that helps lead to a long and stable marriage. It is about accepting the notion that both spouses are independent beings, and that their choices should be respected. Here I can include a personal example that is relevant: I hate cocktail parties because they are basically about changing guest every ten minutes and talking about superficialities throughout the night. If for some reason I must comply with this task too often, my marriage will start to fall apart. Let us remember that, despite love and desire, there is nothing more important to a human being than his or her freedom, and it is paramount that our spouse respects it.