WHO IS REALLY TO BLAME?

The more I live, the more I realize what a difficult task is the parenting task, and how difficult it is to realize it when we are young and decide to have children. When I was at New York Hospital for the birth of my son, I used to listen to the nurses complain about the mother with whom I shared the room. According to them, this new mother did not provide her newborn with the usual necessary care. At that time, I thought it was just a matter of showing happiness to the newborn; today I know that this woman’s baby did not enjoy the bliss destined for my son. That is how it all begins. Many of us read articles about crimes carried out by young people without realizing that no one comes into this world with criminal tendencies. If we go deeper, we will understand that it is us parents who are responsible for the crimes. Why? For not having being the good teachers all children deserve to have. I do not mean by this that the parents of delinquent children also have a delinquent instinct; I'm just saying that they didn't have the ability to realize that raising another human being involves a lot of patience, dedication, and above all, the understanding that a small being breaks easily. A spiteful look, a hurtful word, and above all never praising what they have done is the weapon that crumbles their self-esteem; that is how they stop loving themselves and forget their wish to be the best.  Then, when they reach adolescence, it will be too late to rebuild what has been destroyed.

LA SOLEDAD QUE NO CESA

 

Como todos los domingos, a fin de tomar sol y leer un interesante libro, ayer fui a pasar la mañana a la playa.

A pesar del calor, el voceo de las gaviotas y el ruido de las olas me transportaban hacia aquellas épocas lejanas cuando la vida tenía colores claros. El repentino ruido de una mujer hablando y riendo con una niña me hizo volver la mirada, pudiendo así observarlas mientras pasaban a mi lado. El rostro de la mujer me resultó conocido por ser muy parecido al de una vecina de mi edificio; sin embargo, pude comprobar que no se trataba de la misma persona ya que mi vecina es una mujer de pésimo carácter que nunca ni saluda ni sonríe. Al contrario. En cambio, la mujer de la playa era pura sonrisas y alegría de la vida. Por fortuna mi vecina solo viene a Miami de vez en cuando ya que su residencia permanente es en XX. Recordé entonces ese dicho que nos recuerda que todos tenemos un doble, y con dicha afirmación reanudé tranquila mi lectura. Pero la curiosidad pudo más, y al ver que la mujer y la niña se metían en el agua, me fui caminando hacia ellas. Después de dejar pasar unos minutos, aproveché que la niña miraba hacia mi lado para acercarme y preguntarles si vivían en algún edificio cercano. La respuesta de la mujer me dejo estupefacta: no solo estaba pasando unos días en mi edificio, sino que luego se volvería a XX, que era su domicilio permanente. “Mi nieta, en cambio, vive en el lejano oriente; también habla el idioma”, agregó orgullosa la abuela.

Como la mañana estaba nublada, mis ojos no reflejaron ninguno de mis pensamientos; los de una abuela viviendo momentos de felicidad entre dos soledades que no cesan.

DEJEMOS QUE EL PASADO FLUYA Y SE ALEJE

 

   No cabe duda de que gran parte de nuestra vida sigue atada a nuestro pasado. A la noche antes de dormir, o paseando el perro a la mañana, o en un sueño confuso, a menudo revivimos escenas ya terminadas. Y lo más interesante de este fenómeno es que, en general, no hacemos nada para evitarlo. El resultado de este diario e inútil viaje hacia los días idos es atarnos aún más a lo que ya dejó de ser. Es por esto que nos resulta difícil gozar de la realidad que nos rodea. Al igual que casi todos, yo también viví hartos años tratando de darle un significado a aquellas vivencias que me habían causado tanto daño. No niego que cuando algo penoso nos aflige es importante definir cuál fue nuestra responsabilidad en la situación. Lo que es innecesario es dejar que dicha inspección se estire a través del tiempo. Porque al final de cuentas esos serán nuestros años perdidos. Así fue como después de derrochar quince años tratando de comprender la ruptura de mi familia, de pronto comprendí que el trabajo de revolver lo que había ocurrido no era mío porque yo ya no era la misma persona que había sido. Si bien aún llevaba el mismo nombre, ese pasado ya no me pertenecía. Ahora, cuando recuerdo algunas escenas de esa vida pasada, la impresión que tengo es de no ser yo la protagonista. Es como si ya no me pertenecieran. Por fin pude fondear el río que me lleva adonde realmente pertenezco: el ahora.

 

"Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe". Galileo Galilei

 I don't believe in religion because religion was fabricated by men, but I do believe in the Divinity of the Universe. I was always struck by those philosophers such as Galileo or Pythagoras who affirmed that, at its deepest level, reality is mathematical. In other words, ours is a Universe that works according to a predictable order, and whose eternal rules never change. As the years of my life went by, I began to look differently at the reality that surrounds us. While at first glance, human relationships and life's conflicts seem complicated and difficult to understand, I realized that beneath of it all dwells an almost mathematical simplicity. For example, I have often heard of people who, after having displayed for years a disrespectful attitude towards their environment, suddenly face misfortune. Likewise, there are others who from the outside seem to have it all, but suffer from a deep emptiness that pervades their entire life. On the other hand, there are those of us who have decided to live a life of generosity, honesty, and respect for what surrounds us: human beings, animals, and plants. Several of them have told me that when they need something, it suddenly appears as if by magic. It can be something as simple as finding a parking spot where there is none, or receiving the call from a distant friend when they need it most. But a better example is what happened to me one day when I lost my car keys outside the park where I had gone with my dog. When I decided to go home and was unable to find the keys, I went near my car to see if they had fallen on the pavement. At that moment, a young man approached me and gave me my keys; while I thanked him profusely, I couldn’t stop thinking that he could have left with my car instead. But what does mathematics have to do with all this? Mathematics laws are indisputable: if the calculation is correct, the result is predictable. Such are all the laws of the Universe. In other words, if we follow the laws of generosity and respect towards others, then we can predict a life of serenity and meaning. On the contrary, if we prefer a life centered only on ourselves, our journey on this earth will be totally meaningless.

YA NO HAY LUGAR PARA VOS EN MI VIDA

Ya no soy la que era; hoy te miro de otra manera.

Lentamente, se fue levantando el telón de mi vida,

 poco a poco se desvanecieron sueños e ilusiones,

y voy por fin comprendiendo esa realidad que temía.

 

Me despierto a veces en la noche estrellada,

y me pregunto el porqué de este encuentro sombrío,

la razón que reunió nuestros distintos destinos,

y qué me queda hoy de esta larga jornada.

 

Porque ya no hay lugar para vos en mi vida.

No quedaron los recuerdos, se fueron los dolores

al igual que las sonrisas de esa vida pasada,

y ahora miro hacia atrás y no veo nada. 

KARMA IS FOR REAL

The notion of karma is indeed ancient; it was the Buddha in the sixth century BC who was one of the first sages to warn us that we are the creators of our lives. So profound is the meaning of this word that later philosophers, such as Spinoza ["Nothing exists from the nature of which some effect does not arise"], and Sartre ["With our choices we define our destiny"], shared the same theory. One of the things I learned from my parents is the importance of being generous to those who need our help. That is why there is no time when, if someone approaches me to ask for money and if it is a person who is really in need, I will not give it to them without hesitation. I am glad I do because it so happens that the building I live in is in the middle of its 50 years certification process, which means large expenses for its residents. Several of the apartments were already sold, and many are currently for sale. Although my case is not of such an emergency, being retired and living on a fixed income makes me feel anxious. One night, while I was immersed in a YouTube mystery movie, a notice from the Miami government was shown during an interruption. The notice informed the viewer that the city of Miami offered 40 years loans with no interest to all those who had to pay extraordinary assessments in their buildings; i.e. if their annual income was less than a certain amount. While I immediately thought the ad came from someone who was trying to sell a service, the next day I started looking for the website that had been shown on TV. To my astonishment, I discovered that everything mentioned in the ad was true. All I needed to do was fill out an application and submit a series of documents that proved I deserved said loan. After completing my application and submitting the necessary paperwork, I asked the building manager to inform all other residents about my finding. So he did, and several of them were also approved. I will finish this story thanking the parents I was lucky to have, and who surely knew that karma is for real.

 

KNOW YOURSELF. LIFE WILL BE BETTER.

 The famous Delphic maxim, Know Thyself, spread by Socrates and later by Plato in his writings, is also found in earlier philosophers. In the same way, we also notice it in philosophers of the modern era, and in Freud's theories of the unconscious. Although its syntax seems easy to understand, if we try to explain what this aphorism means, many of us will find the task difficult. Knowing oneself in depth is not an easy journey, especially because we do not really know what it is that we must know better. Since we tend to hide all that we dislike about ourselves in our unconscious, we are also inclined to concentrate on what is easy to detect. However, if we live our life with our intimate eyes closed, our relationships with the rest of the world will not last long. Many years ago, when I was much younger and knew almost nothing about psychology, I fell in love with a guy who, in one of our first intimate conversations, confessed that his mother was a hateful human being. Although his words surprised me, I did not really give it too much thought, probably because I did not know how deeply his negative maternal feelings were going to affect me. As a matter of fact, I did not have to wait long before my boyfriend began to project the anger he felt towards his mother onto me. His antagonism towards her was so deeply rooted that he needed to get rid of it and free himself one way or the other; and, for many reasons, I was the perfect receptacle. Although in the beginning I did not understand why our relationship had changed so much in only a few months, I then was able to realize that his aggressive behavior had nothing to do with me; he was not dealing with me but with his mother. Our relationship did not last because his constant need to belittle me (i.e. his mother figure) became intolerable. If my partner had decided to get in touch with his maternal feelings honestly, he would have understood that not only he thought his mother was a hateful human being, but also that he deeply hated her. Giving a deep look inside himself would have undoubtedly eliminated his need to project his maternal aversion on our relationship, and we would have shared a beautiful life encounter.