NO WISE PERSON EVER WANTED TO BE YOUNGER (Indian Aphorism)

 Some time ago I read somewhere the following phrase: "No wise person ever wanted to be younger again", a phrase that never ceased to amaze me. In my circle of people, I do nothing but hear the praises of youthful beauty, or the physical and mental energy that characterizes our young age. And yet, now that I have unwittingly reached the age they call advanced, it is not difficult for me to understand the meaning of that curious sentence. If we think carefully about what the so-called old age consists of, we see that it is a time of life almost without responsibilities, made up of days that only taste of total freedom, and with endless hours dedicated to reflecting on what our journey on this earth was like. It is true that, for many of us, for one reason or another, old age will be disturbed by a deep feeling of loneliness. However, as I mention in my book The Secret of Loneliness, this feeling is based on our nostalgia for what is no longer ours and can be dispelled. As human beings, we are terrified of change, and we refuse to accept the fact that everything in our existence is inevitably impermanent. It is only when we accept the losses of life that we can begin to realize that a new present is always waiting for us impatiently. Once the feeling of loneliness is over, when we open the window of our room and look at the horizon, we feel invaded by a peace and serenity that can only be felt in the last stage of our life.

LA LLEGADA

 

Cae la tarde frente a mi casa, y observo

como el mar ha suavizado el ir y venir de las olas.

Ya no arremeten contra la orilla de color arena

que las gaviotas grisáceas recorren amenas.

 

Con felicidad miro el infinito crepúsculo de nubes

que delante de mí esparce su transparencia,

cielo infinito que se mueve como si estuviera vivo

y quisiera celebrar esta paz de mi alma conmigo.

 

Fueron tantas las rutas que hasta aquí me trajeron,

tantos los desencantos, las esperanzas destruidas,

las horas afligidas, que hoy, esta tarde aquí sentada

y ver el inmenso cielo siento que esta es la llegada.

 

¡De lo que es mi vida ahora estoy enamorada!

 

The Essential Problem is not whether Human Soul is Immortal...but what Our Own Immortality Will Be Like. The Challenges of Life, by Ignace Lepp

 For some mysterious coincidence, books by authors with my same vision of the Universe very often fall into my lap. Such is the case of Ignace Lepp, originally from Estonia, whose above statement reflects exactly my vision of ​​ eternity. In a few words this author describes how the generalities created by different religions leave aside the most important aspect of existence: i.e. that each one of us has the freedom to shape the life that takes place, or not, when we leave this planet. Because although all of us human beings belong to the same race, we are all spiritually different. As a result, not only our path through this life will be profoundly different from one another, but also our next journey will be like no other. However, where lies the existential difference between human beings? Even though we all face similar challenges for survival, the energy with which we face these obstacles cannot be taught nor explained. Each one of us must discover its own path without help. Later, if this mysterious energy is finally found, we will start walking a path of ​​strange beauty and deep mystery. At that moment we start feeling compassion for others, learning at the same time how to respect animals and plants just because they are alive. This is the way in which, slowly but surely, one day we reach the land of mysterious coincidences; we start thinking about someone and they suddenly call us, we need to find a job and a friend tells us about the opening we were looking for, the car starts to malfunction and when it stops, we realize we are in front of a gas station, etc.… It is then that life stops being an endless sequence of challenges and disagreements to become a path with a specific objective: to respect others and take care of our surroundings. We finally understand that whatever we do, even our smallest daily tasks -a greeting, a friendly message, offering help, giving an apology, caressing a pet- are the stones that will pave the road that awaits us when we leave this earth. 

WHEN THE UNIVERSE GIVES BACK...

 

One of the things I learned from my parents is to be materially and emotionally generous; thanks to that learning, I know in depth the joy that it generates. When we help others, we no longer need to search for the meaning of our lives because it is right there in front of our eyes. However, that is not what I want to talk about today, but rather about how true is the fact that everything we give comes back to us when we need it most... I am lucky to live in front of the water, but in recent times new building maintenance laws in Miami made life difficult for many residents. In my case, the engineer in charge of the building's 50-year certification determined that it was necessary to change our old windows for impact windows. This plus all the other extraordinary expenses that have been adding up forced several of the residents to sell their apartment and move to more accessible places. In my case, although I did not put the apartment up for sale, the expense of the windows got me thinking. Until one night, while I was browsing FB, a video from Miami Dade Gov. suddenly showed up offering 40-year interest-free loans to help with buildings’ extraordinary expenses. Without much hope, I wrote down the name of the office and, after locating it on the internet, I printed and filled the application. In the days that followed I busied myself looking for all the documents and other receipts that were requested, and after a week I had finished mailing them. The process took approximately four months plus the exchange of many emails. Then, after the papers were signed, the money was sent to my building’s association directly. Many will say to me that it was a happy coincidence; I rather dare to say that coincidences have nothing to do with this. Instead, I have no doubt that, once again, the Universe returned to me what I gave to the Universe.

THE MESSAGES WE RECEIVE, IF WE LISTEN TO THEM

 Of the many books I have read about the meaning of life, one idea always stuck with me: that if we observe reality carefully, we will receive messages that life sends us when we need them most. I was walking my dog one morning when, as I passed an old man sitting at the trolley stop, he started talking to me. His was the beginning of a cascade of information that left me speechless. Almost without stopping, he confided to me that his parents were Irish but that he had been born in Brazil, where he now wanted to return. His father had died when he was young, and he had never heard from his mother again because she was a “bad woman,” he said; That is what made him emigrate one day to the United States. I was standing in front of this stranger without really knowing what to do, or how to say goodbye politely and without hurting his feelings. However, apparently the conversation was not over yet, and he continued talking because he still had to tell me the most important thing. It was while staring at me that he told me that, upon becoming a widow, his mother had forced him to be her daily support, depriving him of almost all freedom. That is how one day he decided to leave her and emigrate to a new country. Taking advantage of the fact that the man had stopped talking, and using a pleasant smile, I told him that I had to go to a medical appointment, and walked away. But as I walked towards my house, the man's words kept coming back to me. I could not help but wonder if I, having only one child and being alone at this stage of life, had made the same mistakes as the mother of that stranger. Without a doubt, I had asked myself the same question more than once, but I had never come up with a satisfactory answer. Now, however, the man’s message was clear as daylight: the time had come for me to finally accept that our children share our days only for a while. Then their task has to do with discovering the rest of the world.

WHAT IS TODAY’S MEANING OF THE WORD LONELINESS?

 Describing old age as the age of loneliness has become a common saying in the times in which we live. It is true that our last life stage is a very difficult one, not only because most families end up divided, with children going to seek their fortune in other countries, but because many couples end the journey they have shared. This is also the time when many of us contract diseases that prevent us from enjoying a regular social life. Old age for my paternal grandmother, mother of nine children of whom only one, my father, emigrated from Italy to Argentina, was different. The other eight would never have thought of leaving the beach near Rimini where they had been born and lived all their lives. My life is different from hers because, like many others, I only have one child. This situation led me to realize very early on that the meaning of the word loneliness would be for me very different from my grandmother Gemma’s. Undoubtedly, nowadays life difficulties are of another kind; from a very young age we realize that human relationships are corrupted by competition and envy. That is why we need to get ready for what awaits us at the most complex stage of our lives: absence and loneliness. But how might we prepare ourselves for our children’s absence and the loneliness of our homes? The only way to avoid the emptiness that gradually seeps into our lives without us realizing it is to take refuge in the good work we have done during the years lived. Having lived life in the right way, raising our children responsibly, working conscientiously, being honest and being there for all those who needed us is our golden armor. Reaching old age with a soul full of pride for a task well done is the only thought that will fill our homes with serenity, chasing away loneliness, and helping us overcome the anxiety of facing what awaits us.

“We are all in therapy all the time insofar as we are involved with soul-making.” Re-Visioning Psychology. James Hillman.

 Some of the most gratifying experiences of my life usually take place when, while reading a book, I realize that the author’s ideas about a subject are very similar to mine. It gives me a sense of security and veracity. This is exactly what happened when I started reading James Hillman’s books. What resonates deeply within me about this author’s philosophy is that to him, psychology is the perfect bridge towards a personal transcendence. Giving birth to this transcendence is what will guide us to find our lives’ meaning; but since we are all different, each one of us will create a different transcendence. As Dr. Hillman tells us, day after day our life should be immersed in the task of soul-making, that is, in creating the path that will give shape to a rewarding life for us. It is not surprising how close this theory is to the Eastern concept of karma; according to how we decide to live, the result will be either a meaningful life or a life that needs to be relived.  However, we often go astray thinking that soul-making is only related to the great decisions of existence: to not lie, to not betray, to not steal, and, of course, to not kill. What many of us forget, or do not give importance to, is that we are deciding our way of life hour after hour every day. For instance, on the street among other human beings, whether on foot or driving, do we give way to the one who needs to cross the street amid traffic, or the one who made a mistake and needs to drive to the left in front of us, or do we take the time needed to help a friend with a problem? And if the phone rings and the caller has made a mistake with the number, do we answer him/her politely or hang up the phone without any regrets? Greeting our work colleagues courteously and responding to messages others send to us is another of the many ways to show respect to our fellow human beings, as it is giving a dollar or two to an old man begging on the street. Hillman's definition of soul-making expressly deals with those small details of everyday life that, without seeming critical decision-making moments, are what puts the bricks of our soul one on top of the other. Before ending, I would like to add something to Dr. Hillman’s thoughts: as time goes by in a life lived the way I just described, we will realize with amazement that our existence has become more simple, more serene, and less dependent on others.