WOMEN'S DIVORCE, LONELINESS OR FREEDOM?

 The other day, watching on YouTube a show about women over 60, the presenter was talking about the meaning of divorce for that age women. There is no denying that divorce is one of life's cruelest blows. Simply put, the one who was our life partner for so many years suddenly vanishes in the darkness of the night; and when we look at the future through the window of our life, all we see is a lonely road that seems to lead nowhere. At least that is what we feel during the first months and years following our separation. I remember that during that time, all I wanted was to never go home; the city streets were my favorite place to be. Luckily, us women always have friends who, for one reason or another, are in our same plight and make us company. Then, little by little, the fog fades away and that road that seemed so lonely is suddenly filled with a mysterious flower, also called freedom. They say that whoever eats its petals realizes that there is nothing in life more valuable than being free to be who we really are, without hypocrisy or shortcuts, without fear or impatience, without doubts or regrets, without ties and free to live a life that, day by day, reveals a new mystery to our soul.

"Our fear of inferiority and the harsh judgements of others seals everything inside us. This is surely our False Self taking control because it fears all loss of control."

 (Immortal Diamond, The Search for our True Self, by Richard Rohr)

I remember the first time I had to make a presentation for one of my Masters' Degree in Counseling courses at Florida International University. Although I had already graduated from a University in Argentina, a presentation in English at a new university was enough to make me feel deeply vulnerable. Looking for support, I went to the University Counseling Services; the counselor I saw confirmed my fear that my big hurdle was presenting in a foreign language. The fear of being seeing as inferior by non-foreign students made me feel unprotected and with no tools at hand. Finally, the time came to present, and while waiting for the student who came before me to finish talking, my stress response made me turn the head towards the classroom door. Fortunately, I chose fight over flight, stayed put and did my presentation. Many years have gone by since that first presentation, and now I can say that I don’t lose sleep over what others think of me. I now understand that we all follow different life paths, and comparing myself to others is a nonsensical waste of time. As a matter of fact, our task does not have to do with others, but only with ourselves. Ours is a solitary undertaking that has to do with analyzing our thoughts and behaviors, and decide if they make us feel that we are building a superb sense of self.