Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein coined the term projective identification in her work ‘Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms’ in 1946. We can say that projective identification is a defense mechanism that allows us to unload on another person those issues that are too problematic for us to acknowledge. The term identification is used because the victim of the projection ends up believing that the projected issues are really hers. An example will explain better how this psychological mechanism works. I remember one patient of mine from when I was still in private practice, who had a very difficult relationship with his mother. The mother was severely narcissistic, so much so that growing up my patient too developed a narcissistic personality disorder. When the time was right, he chose to marry a woman with a dependent personality disorder; in addition, she suffered abandonment issues due to her insecure attachment to her mother in childhood. Since my patient was unable to confront his mother about her sense of entitlement and her permanent criticism, the easiest way for him to deal with these issues was to project them unto his wife, and as a result criticize her instead of his mother. As a result, the wife became her mother-in-law replacement as well as the recipient of her husband’s unresolved maternal dilemmas. Being codependent and afraid of being abandoned, the wife did not react to the psychological attack from her husband; when he accused her for being arrogant and critical (his mother’s personality traits), she became convinced he was right. Unfortunately, being my patient severely narcissistic, none of my clinical interventions ever worked. Every time I brought up his unconscious anger against mother, he denied it and criticized me. Time went by and one day the wife decided to start marital therapy. Since I had been her husband's therapist, she chose another clinician for couple’s therapy; I felt relieved. After some months had passed, I decided to make a follow-up call to my patient. He told me that the couples’ therapist had suggested that they have a family session with his mother so that he could honestly reveal to her his life-long resentment and get rid of it; otherwise, the marriage would be over. Unfortunately, my patient’s anger towards his mother was so threatening that he was unable to face her in a family session. Divorce ensued. Now let’s remember for a moment Socrates dictum: “A non-examined life is not worth living.” Why? Because instead of owning our unfinished businesses, solving them and becoming wiser, we deny them, project them, and in the process ruin other people’s lives. (Let me add here that by not solving his unconscious issues, my patient will continue projecting them unto every partner he meets, and marital happiness will forever elude him.)
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